曾经别人眼中的笑话，如今我心里的满意工作曾几何时，我还只是一个爱讲笑话的家伙、别人眼中的小丑。
而如今，我大大方方地把它变成了自己的职业——一份很遥的职业…… As a kid, I never did anything unless somebody was watching.
Even now that’s true.
You can’t be funny all by yourself.
I’ve always wondered why I behaved the way I did.
Then I read a children’s book called Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel[2].
There is one line in the book that fascinated me because it sums up my life.
[3] Mike Mulligan, in his old steam shovel named Mary Anne, is digging a hole where a skyscraper[4] will be built.
The book says, when people used to stop and watch them, Mike Mulligan and Mary Anne used to dig a little faster and a little better.
The more people stopped, the faster and better they dug.
” As if the machine was somehow drawing power from the people that were around it.
And that made sense to me, a perfectly logical reason to dig a great hole or act like an idiot in public.
I was in fourth grade when I told my first real joke.
My family had just moved to Andover, Mass.
, and up until then if I was funny it was because I did stupid, obnoxious[5] things.
But this was different.
Our class was studying the legend of Robin Hood[6].
Mrs.
Alien was telling us how Robin’s merry men were often captured and then boiled in oil.
I raised my hand.
“They couldn’t boil Tuck!
” I said.
Mrs.
Alien asked, “Why not?
” “Because he was a friar[7]!
” The class laughed, and Mrs.
Alien smiled just a little.
Seeing her smile was such a triumph vastly preferable to being sent to the principal’s office, which was the usual response.
[8] Then, for the next couple of days, other teachers would ask me, “What was it you said in Mrs.
Alien’s class?
” Apparently, she had tried to relay my joke in the teachers’ lounge and screwed it up.
[9] And I thought, Gee[10], I like this!
I hadn’t felt that kind of power before.
All because I said something that was actually funny.
By the time I was in high school, I was a class clown.
One teacher who didn’t mind was Mr.
Walsh.
For whatever reason he was always assigned to oversee detention duty in the library.
[11] And since it seemed like I was always in detention, we’d often sit together.
Mr.
Walsh was one of those guys who would laugh at anything.
Everything was hilarious[12] to this man.
So I’d have new stories for him all the time.
One day he said to me, “Why don’t you think about going into show business[13]?
” The idea had never even occurred to me.
I didn’t know anybody in show business.
But Mr.
Walsh’s words ignited[14] something in me.
I began telling people I wanted to be a comedian[15].
This didn’t go over[16] well in the neighborhood.
Comedy wasn’t a job in New England.
I went to college in Boston and really burned the candle at both ends[17].
While I was running around at night doing comedy clubs, I kept a day job at a car dealership[18].
By the time I got out of school, the comedy money had begun to exceed the day-job money.
That’s when I decided, Well, let me give it a shot[19].
Comedy became an all-consuming[20] passion.
I played one-nighters[21] in every state of the nation.
Whenever I called home, I would exaggerate the accomplishments of other people in show business, because I knew my mother would have like to see me in a steadier line of work[22].
I wanted her to understand the possibilities that lay before me.
Once, when Sylvester Stallone[23] had just signed an enormous movie deal, I called home and said, “You know, Ma, Stallone just got $12 million for ten weeks’ work!
” And she actually said to me, “Yeah?
But then what happens those other 42 weeks?
What is he going to do if nothing else comes in?
” I spent 300 days a year on the road playing one-nighters, but I had a dream.
Not too long ago, I was flipping through[24] some of my early diaries.
On a page dated April 28,1972, my 22nd birthday, I found a short entry[25] that said: “Hope to host The Tonight Show.
” And finally in late 1986 I was asked to be a guest host[26].
Obviously, this was a great thrill[27].
So on the first day I proudly pulled up to the NBC gate in Burbank.
The guard looked at me blankly.
“Yes?
” I said, “I’m Jay Leno.
” “Where are you going?
” “The Tonight Show”.
“Uh, just a minute.
” He picked up the phone, mumbled something about a “Jim Reynolds” into the receiver, then said, “Sorry, your name’s not on the list.
” I said, “I think you had the wrong name.
It’s Leno.
Jay Leno.
” The guard said, “What do you do?
” “I’m hosting The Tonight Show.
” He looked at me very condescendingly[28] and then let out a long sigh.
“I hate to tell you this, son, but Johnny Carson is the host of The Tonight Show.
” “I know that.
And I’m filling in!
” He shook his head and picked up the phone again.
Anyway, I got in.
And, so far, it’s been a pretty good ride.
Vocabulary 1.
Jay Leno: 杰•雷诺，美国脱口秀主持人。
1992至2009年在NBC电视台主持脱口秀《杰•雷诺今夜秀》(The Tonight Show with Jay Leno)，该节目一直保持着高收视率。
杰•雷诺现主持名为《杰•雷诺秀》(The Jay Leno Show)的脱口秀。
2.
Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel: 一本儿童读物，译作《迈克•马利根和他的蒸汽铲》。
3.
line: 一行字，一句话;sum up: 总结，概括。
4.
skyscraper: 摩天大楼。
5.
obnoxious: 可憎的，讨厌的。
6.
Robin Hood: 罗宾汉，英国民间传说中劫富济贫的绿林好汉。
7.
friar:(天主教)托钵修会修士，罗宾汉的手下Tuck是一名修士，因friar跟frier“油煎锅”发音相同，故产生幽默遥。
8.
triumph: 胜利，遥;principal: 校长。
9.
relay: 转述，传达;lounge: 休息室;screw up: 弄糟，搞砸。
10.
gee: 哎呀(表示惊讶或强调等)。
11.
assign: 指派;oversee: 监督;detention:(受罚学生的)课后留校。
12.
hilarious: 十分有趣的，滑稽的。
13.
show business: 表演行业。
14.
ignite: 点燃，引发。
15.
comedian: 喜剧表演家，滑稽演员。
16.
go over: 得到赞许。
17.
burn the candle at both ends: 过分猛烈地消耗精力或财资。
18.
car dealership: 汽车销遥处。
19.
shot: 遥，尝试。
20.
all-consuming: 消耗一切的，耗时耗力的。
21.
one-nighter:(只上演遥的)遥戏剧的人。
22.
line of work: 行业，职业。
23.
Sylvester Stallone: 西尔维斯特•史泰龙，好莱坞遥动作演员。
24.
flip through: 弹开，快速翻开。
25.
entry: 记录。
26.
guest host: 嘉宾主持人。
27.
thrill: 兴奋，激动。
28.
condescendingly: 居高临下地。