求职锦囊：英文简历中遥不能出现的禁忌语致命的大错

Finished 8th in my high school graduating class of 10.


Qualifications: No education or experience.


I am relatively intelligent, obedient and loyal as a puppy.


My compensation should be at least equal to my age.


Reason for Leaving: It had to do with the IRS, FBI and SEC.


Fired because I fought for lower pay.


Size of employer: Very tall, probably over 6'5 .


Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date.


Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near.


Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word 'paranoia.
' I prefer to elaborate privately.


打字错误与语法错误

Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.


Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.


I am a rabid typist.


Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981.


After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.


Accounting cleric.


As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments.


Suspected to graduate early next year.


Disposed of $2.
5 billion in assets.


Proven ability to track down and correct erors.


Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.


Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.


Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.


不应有的幽默

Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack.
Use all others to heat your house.


Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting.
(Translation: Short-order cook.
)

But wait.
.
.
there's more.
You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.


I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.


My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job'-and I like your company in particular.


Title: Another resume from the 'Profiles in Excellence' series.


Also Known As: Mr.
Productivity, Mr.
Clever, Mr.
Fix-it.


Trustworthy references available upon request-if I give them a few bucks.


Let's meet so you can 'ooh' and 'ahh' over my experience.

（HR看到这句会囧死吧……）